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As in the routine of returning to school can be difficult for everyone in the house. In the morning, parents are faced with children who will not be out of bed and get ready for school, no matter how you harass, bribe and scold. Homework time can be even worse, with night fighting and accusations echo on the walls of your home. So how can you get your child to be more motivated? The important thing to remember is this: the child is motivated, I'm just motivated to resist you. KeepRead on to learn how you can turn this negative motivation into a positive experience.

Q: When a child becomes demoralized and not getting out of bed, doing homework or participate in, what does the mother through this behavior?

When we speak, not the people on young people to get out of bed, not doing homework or assignments or do not want to be involved in family activities is important for parents to understand that the motivationchildren. But the motivation is to resist. The motivation is to do things their way, not yours, and keep power.

When people feel powerless, trying to feel powerful from withholding. A child or young person who feels very helpless in bed going to stay, not go to school, do homework, sitting on the couch and refuse complete, because it gives them the feeling of being in control. For parents, the behavior seems out of control. But the child that he considers the only wayhave power over what is happening around him.

The child who uses the resistance control is lacking in social skills and problem-solving. It 'important to define the difference between the two. Social skills are the way to talk with other people, how to be friendly, be comfortable in your skin and how to treat people with kindness. Problem solving are skills that help children understand what people want them, how, how to deal with other peoplebehaviors, needs and expectations. Problem solving skills are needed to help a child deal with the subject of criticism in the classroom. Several times, the real reason kids do not want to do their job simply because they are lazy at work or do not want to be criticized in class and held accountable for their work.

Let me be clear on this point, everyone is motivated. The question is motivated to do what? If a child would say that is not motivated, you see whatexecute and assume that is what he wants to do. So the solution is to teach him to be motivated to do something else. Suppose the child is unmotivated is an inefficient way of looking. He is motivated. It 's just motivated to do anything. In this case, doing nothing means to resist and slow to exert control over you.

You'll see when you ask your child a question and he does not respond, but know that you heard. What is this?This child is considered a response to a feeling of power. When he says: "You did not answer if I do not want, you can see as a lack of motivation. He sees it as a means to gain control over you.

Q: As parents, we tend to respond to discourage this behavior would, arguing and screaming child. Or you just did and tasks of the child for him, because you do not see any other way. Not working, but that's all you can do, I think.

Oftenthese children are motivated by a power struggle. Find ways to fight with their parents. The work of parents, in this case is to find ways for children to solve the problem that is inherent in the struggle for power. But if parents can not afford more, then you are stuck in the struggle for power.

If you struggle every day with a child who does not get out of bed, you're never going to solve this problem. Because even if he leaves his bed, thenHe did not brush their teeth. And even if he brushes his teeth, combing hair. Or do not wear clean clothes or not will do his duty. If you resist constantly as a child tries to solve the problem of authority, parents have problems until the child learn how to solve this problem properly.

The first step to solve the problems of teaching children that they need is to understand how they think and realize that these children are not helpless victims. Theyjust try to solve problems, but the way they are solving is inefficient and distorted. You have to do with this attempt to distort the control of a systemic way. To give a simple solution, such as removing the phone or removing the TV does not solve the problem. Not work. You look at the full picture.

Q: So how parents can address this problem more effectively, without yelling, arguing or "exaggerate" tochild?

I think that parents should avoid giving the power to conduct. When your child cries for lack of motivation, is to give the power to resist behavior. I understand that parents are frustrated and cry. What I do here is that not solve the problem. If you are yelling or talking with the child for these problems, you are giving him more power in the fight, and you do not want to do. Leave the clear choice for your child. Use "I" words. "I love youto get out of bed and get ready for school. "" I want you to do your homework now. "Then leave the room. If the child does not, then there should be consequences. We must be responsible. If the child says," do not care about consequences, "to ignore. Tell you he does not care gives the feeling of being in control and a sense of power.

I'd give consequences, and I do not care if the child does not like. If you do not get out of bed, you should not do anythingelse. You should not have video games. You do not have to spend four hours watching television. If you're too sick to go to school, you should not leave the house. These limits must be established and followed.

I always tell parents in my office that you must have the courage to let him experience the natural consequences of his behavior. It takes courage to step back and say, "Well, do your homework, and get notesconsidered. "But in these cases, can help children experience the natural consequences of resistance. Do not let children watch TV. She says," Homework time is six to eight. And if you do not want to do your homework this time, okay. But you can not go on your computer, you can not play and you can not watch television. If you choose this time to do homework or not, this is your choice. And if you fail, it will be your choice. "

With the plan to leaveexperience the natural consequences of his decision, built in rewards for success, if not make the right decision. If my son had failed a test, there was no punishment. But, if approved, there was a reward. It 'was very simple. We assigned A and B. We do not take anything away from C, we did not reward. So my son tried to have all the time. Thus, children who resist, it is important to have a system of rewards and a system accordingly.

Remember, the consequences are a naturalimportant part of life. Then we have for speeding. Excessive speed is a natural consequence. If you go too fast, the police officer stops you and gives you a ticket. Not be followed home to be sure not to over speed. It allows you to pass. It's up to you to stop and take responsibility. If you do not get a quarter of an hour later ticket. natural consequences to help people take responsibility, and can be used to help children take responsibility for things likego to school, class participation and homework.

So when you interact with a child who seems unmotivated, do not forget to scream, negotiation and do things he does not work. When looking at this child, it should be noted, is motivated. He just wanted to do something different than what you do. He is motivated to resist you. Thus, the more power you put into it, the more its resistance becomes. I disagree with the kids, because whendiscuss with them their entitlement. Focus on the fact that their behavior without power and to the consequences that you do not control.